Running with scissors.

Dr. Finch: Everyone! Come quickly! Wake up! Wake up! A miracle! A miracle! A miracle has occured!

Agnes Finch: What're you looking at?

Natalie: Dad's morning shit.

Dr. Finch: See? See how the duplicoil is breaking out of the surface of the water? Holy Father.

Agnes Finch: Doctor, let me draw you a nice bath.

Dr. Finch: Agnes, go get a shoehorn. A shoehorn, Agnes.

Hope: But what does it mean, Dad?

Dr. Finch: It means our financial situation is turning around. It means things are looking upward. Literally, the shit is pointing out of the pot! Towards Heaven, to God. My turd is a direct communication from the Holy Father.
[Augusten and Natalie try to hide their laughter]

Dr. Finch: No, no, no, no, children. No. Laugh. Laugh! God is... He is the funniest man in the universe. Agnes, I want you to carefully remove this, take it outside, and let it dry in the sun. We're starting a shrine, Agnes. A shrine. Hope, let's prepare.

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